January 30, 2003 Athletics
Story
Stew
Wouldn't Coach Us Bothered By Sand Gnats
From
the Tongue-in-Cheek Media Relations Office
 Only
a late-game knee injury kept Doug Hoffman from fouling out as
Stew Wouldn't Coach Us (SWCU) expectedly fell to 0-2
on the Utah State University Intramural season with a 55-48
loss to the always pesky Sand Gnats Tuesday night.
The seriousness of Hoffman's injury was unknown, but it was
not expected to keep him out of action for the rest of the year.
"I think he exaggerated the injury so he could talk to
the cute female trainer that was on hand," said player-coach
Todd "Toddzilla" Johnson. "I was thinking of
faking a groin injury myself."
SWCU dug themselves a hole early falling behind 10-0 before
someone made a shot - maybe it was Todd, but it is hard to remember.
The never-say-die attitude of the team was evident as they fought
their way back, cutting the margin to two at 26-24, but four
straight three pointers by the always sharp-shooting Sand
Gnats put SWCU down by 14.
Once again, giving 110 percent and in the case of Phil Garner,
120 percent, SWCU cut the margin to two in the second half,
but fatigue, attitude and Hoffman's injury kept the team from
making it a game.
Todd Sleight put forth his best Kareem Abdul-Jabaar impersonation
by not crossing the halfcourt line on many of SWCU's possessions.
His effort was rated at 50 percent, lowering the team's average.
When he did make it to the other end of the floor, he was effective
scoring 10 points.
"I play a smart brand of basketball," said the surly
forward with the mutton chops that remind many of the guy from
Blues Traveler. "I am not wasting my energy to run down
there if we are just going to pass it out of bounds."
His effort or lack thereof was not wasted on his wife Jillian,
who was one of six on hand for fan appreciation night.
"I brought our daughter to the game and she moved around
more than he did," she said of her infant Samantha. "Maybe
a slice of cheesecake at the end of the court would be incentive
for him to run to the other end of the floor."
The Sand Gnats, who improved to 2-0, were aided by
a scouting report from Mike Williams, the Aggie trainer, who
plays on SG and organized many a pickup game that included players
from SWCU."
"I told them don't guard Strauss, watch out for Hoffman's
elbows and if nothing else, keep Sleight on the defensive side
of halfcourt," Williams told the press aftewards. "I
think leaving a piece of cheesecake at that end of the floor
helped us there."
Things are looking up for SWCU as the team has a bye next Tuesday
before their next loss on Feb. 11.
Release
by "Stew Wouldn't Coach Us" Media Services and Grill
utah
state today/archives/January
2003/archives
prior to Sept 2002/
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